“You don’t date football players?” She’s one of the head cheerleaders, and I assumed they got first pick of the players since they’re always around each other.
She gives me a look. “Have you met my father? He terrifies everyone, and his athletes would probably prefer a rectal exam than his scrutiny. Deep down, he’s a teddy bear, although I don’t think I’d be doing the player any favors if we dated. But I might be tempted to bang one of them.”
I fold my lips as I hold in a chuckle.
She waves her hand around my face. “Your ears just went bright red. I should have warned you before I moved in—I don’t have a filter.”
“I don’t mind.” It’s refreshing. I never feel like Roxy is playing games.
I’m not sure what it is about her—maybe it’s her bubbly personality or the way she’s jumping in to help me with the calendar or just me needing a friend—but I’m so tempted to tell her about Jake. Instead, I blurt, “Maybe you could help me get a date.”
Then I slap my hand over my mouth.
That makes her stand up straight. “Of course I can get you a date. Maybe we could go on a double. I just found out there’s a drive-in theater here. Wouldn’t that be fun?” The thought of going out with someone practically makes me hyperventilate. “Wait. What’s going on? You’re freaking out right now, aren’t you?”
I nod and lean over to take several deep breaths. “This might sound weird, but I’ve never gone on a date.”
“What?” She yanks me up. “Are you serious? Do you mean you’ve never had a boyfriend, but you’ve gone out with a few guys once or twice? Or do you mean you’ve never ever gone out with anyone?”
“Never ever.” Maybe that’s part of the problem. If I dated and got out more, perhaps I wouldn’t still be fantasizing about Jake.
She gasps. “How did this happen? You’re so beautiful. How have you managed to go this long and not get snatched right up?”
How do I explain this? I hate how everything jumbles in my head like a bad Jerry Springer episode. “I had a thing for my best friend for years. But he didn’t see me like that, and then he started seriously dating someone else. We all went to college together, and as much as I wanted to be social and go out, I ended up being the third wheel in this other relationship.” Which sounds so pathetic, I want to reach back in time and slap myself.
Roxy nibbles her bottom lip. “Is that why you transferred here?”
“One of the reasons, yes.”
“You musta really loved the guy.”
With my whole heart and soul. “When I transferred to Lone Star two years ago, I had every intention of putting myself out there, but leaving my friends and family behind was harder to deal with than I expected. I needed some time to get my bearings.”
“Why did you have to leave your family? Do you just mean relocating was tough?”
I shake my head as nausea flips my stomach. I’ve said too much, but I’ve already come this far, and I could really use someone to talk to. If I don’t tell her Jake’s name, maybe I can share more. “This guy… was dating… my sister, so yeah. I basically had to leave my family too.”
Once again, Roxy’s eyes widen. “Your sister?”
“I know it sounds terrible, but I’d been best friends with him for three years before they met. Except I was a wimp and never told him how I felt. By the time I dredged up the courage, it was too late.”
I knew Jake didn’t have a date for homecoming, so after the game, I finally worked up the courage to tell him how I felt.
But he wasn’t home.
He’d gone to a party.
The one where he met Kota.
So many what-ifs dart through my mind.
What if I had told Jake how I felt when we were in high school?
What if I hadn’t been such a big chicken and I’d flirted with him when he was single and I had the chance?
The worst one, though, the one that still keeps me up at night, is—what if I hadn’t told my sister I had a huge crush on my best friend?
Because despite her claim she didn’t specifically seek out Jake at that party, I sometimes wonder.
“Fuck, that sucks.” Roxy throws her arms around me, and I pat her back awkwardly. “I’ll be your family.”
Her words bring tears to my eyes. Now that I’ve shared some of my past, the weight on my chest feels lighter. “Thanks, Roxy. I’d love that. I could use a sister.” I miss Dakota fiercely sometimes. I don’t know why. She treated me like shit more often than not.
When we break apart, Roxy puts her hands on her hips. “I’m gonna find you a great guy too. Just watch.”
I nod, a little embarrassed.
Then she lowers her voice to a whisper. “Does this mean you’re a virgin? No shame if you are, but if so, you might want to think about getting on birth control if you’re not already. Also, some guys are fuckboys, and I don’t want to set you up with anyone who’s just DTF.”
Birth control. Right. That’s important.
Hold on. “DTF?”
“Down to fuck. You know, someone who just wants to hook up.”
Maybe that’s what I need to get over this hump. A hookup. I’ve been romanticizing dating and men for far too long, and now that I understand the reality, I kinda just want to have sex and get it over with. Maybe that would demystify dating, and it would freak me out less.
Because it’s dumb to wait for the perfect guy when he doesn’t exist.
There’s no such thing as Prince Charming.
There never was.
4
JAKE
Exhausted from class and practice, I toss my crap by the door and set my to-go box on the counter. “Hey. I’m home. ¿Dónde estás, pingo?” Pingo means “little scamp” or “rascal” in Spanish and describes my son to a T.
My babysitter’s faint voice calls from the bedroom. “We’re back here, Jakey.”
I can’t tell Miss Louisa’s age, but she has to be pushing seventy. That’s the only reason I allow her to call me Jakey, because Dakota’s nickname always made me cringe.
Miss Louisa was my last resort, but at least she’s kind and treats my son well. But I don’t know how much longer she’ll be able to keep up with my hurricane, who just turned three over the summer.
“Daddy!” Asher howls, torpedoing across the room until he rams into my legs.
I scoop him up in my arms and kiss his sweaty forehead. “How’s my little man? Did you have a good day?”
His smile vanishes and he wraps his arms around my neck to whisper in my ear. “I peepeed my pants.”
My eyes meet Louisa’s, and she gives me a patient smile. “He’ll learn. Asher got too excited about building sandcastles and forgot to let me know he had to go potty.”
This is tough because he’d pretty much nailed potty training with my mom, but since we moved to Charming, everything’s new for him, and he’s having a tough time acclimating.
“Aww, Ash, it’s okay, bud. Everyone has accidents when they’re first learning.”